A Book of Statistics

Marion handed the rat loins to Gustav, and excused herself for 5 minutes to use the lavatory. She didn’t actually need to go but wanted a moment or two to go to her bedroom, which she shared with the other kitchen maid, Dorcus. She climbed the servants’ stairs to the top of the house and entered the bedroom.

The bedroom was a typical attic room with a tiny window and not much in it apart from 2 single beds, a shared bedside table, a wardrobe, a white plastic garden chair and a couple of shelves. Although it was a drab and gloomy room it didn’t bother Marion, she had never cared for material things anyway, being a ‘people’ person.

She removed her coat and hung it on a plastic hook on the door. She then knelt down and fished under the wardrobe, squeezing her hand under the thin gap and pulled out a cheap notebook. She found a pencil and opened the notebook. The page contained a series of columns, drawn with wonky lines. The first column consisted of a list of 20 or so names, with Lord Bumbridge’s name at the top and Gustav’s being the last entry. There were 4 more columns after that with the headings: appearance, personality, intelligence and good in bed. Marion had put marks out of 10 in each box. Lord Bumbridge had been rated thus: 2, 2, 2 and 1.

Marion, flushed and with her squinty eye watering more than ever, wrote in a childish hand the next name on her list: “Amos” and filled in the first column with a 10. She left the other columns blank, it didn’t matter - she would complete them that night. This was her list of Pantiles’ conquests. She shoved the book back under the wardrobe and went down to help Gustav.