A Skirmish by the Bins

Helga and Hedwig were at the bins outside Steam Burger on Grosvenor Road tucking into the discarded contents of a Steam Burger Extraordinaire Meal. They had to be careful, the baton-wielding police seemed to be everywhere that late afternoon and although prostitution was legal, freeganing was not. Helga was just extracting a piece of gristle from between her crowded teeth when she caught sight of Mr Quack waddling over.

"Look!" she exclaimed forgetting about the gristle, "Look! Mr Quack's here!" Hedwig looked from her sister, jumping up and down in her second-hand Ugg boots to the sorry figure of Mr Quack, with a look of disgust on her pinched features.

Mr Quack greeted the women with a loud "Quack!" and reached into the bins with both hands, scooped up some unwrapped Steam Burger and promptly stuffed it into his mouth. Mr Quack, who had formerly been known as Richard, winked at Helga as he masticated like a man possessed.

"Stop looking at the fool, he's not worth the time of day - he's penniless and barking!" Hedwig ordered her sister.

Helga shrugged, tugged her short skirt over her ample buttocks and walked over to Mr Quack. "Hello Mr Quack, what are you eating?" she asked giggling. He opened his mouth wide to show her a chewed meaty mess, finished chewing and with a wink at the blushing Helga, abruptly turned round and approached Hedwig, pulled his polyester jogging trousers down and began urinating a few inches away from Hedwig's shoes.

Helga looked on open mouthed as her sister, snarling, caught hold of Mr Quack's manhood and dragged him along by it until Mr Quack in insane pain, fell to the ground in a sorry heap by the greasy burger wrappers. Helga then ran up, touched Mr Quack gently on the shoulder, but was disappointed to find there was no movement. She suddenly felt a foot up her backside and spun round and grasped her sister by the ears and in mock sumo tried to push her onto the glass facade of Steam Burger all the while making elephant seal noises. Hedwig was shrieking something just as unintelligible as her sibling.

While the girls were grappling and bringing undue attention to themselves, a dapper gentleman in a 1952 Bentley, pulled up, got out of his car and stared at the spectacle, crossarmed with a look of sheer glee across his handsome face.